Some Humour

By , May 18, 2011 6:01 pm

Could this be true?

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And….

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls

become.

There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

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The Green Thing

By , May 12, 2011 5:49 pm

Subject: The Green Things

In the checkout line at the grocery store, the cashier told the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.
The woman apologized and explained,
“We didn’t have the green thing back in my day.”

The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. 
The former generation did not care enough to save our environment.”

He was only partially right; that generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.
Back then, they returned their milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store, 
where they were sent back to the plant to be washed, sterilized and refilled, 
so they could be used over and over. They really were recycled.

But they didn’t have the green thing back in that customer’s day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks.

But she was right. They didn’t have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby’s diapers because they didn’t have the throw-away kind.
They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts.
Wind and solar power dried the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that old lady was right, they didn’t have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house – not a TV in every room.
And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not one the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn’t have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power.
They exercised by working so they didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right, they didn’t have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled their writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But they didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked
instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service.
They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.

Isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful the old folks were just because they didn’t have the green thing back then? 

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Social Security/Medicare

By , May 9, 2011 5:37 pm

THIS SENIOR CITIZEN NAILED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
 
Alan Simpson, Senator from Wyoming , Co-Chair of Obama’s deficit
commission, calls senior citizens the Greediest Generation as he
compared “Social Security” to a Milk Cow with 310 million teats.
August, 2010.
 
Here’s a response in a letter from a unknown fellow in Montana …
I think he is a little ticked off!   He also tells it like it is ! 
—————————————————————————————————————————- 
 
“Hey Alan, let’s get a few things straight..
 
1. As a career politician, you have been on the public dole for FIFTY
YEARS.
  
2. I have been paying Social Security taxes for 48 YEARS (since I was 15
years old. I am now 63).
  
3 My Social Security payments, and those of millions of other
Americans, were safely tucked away in an interest bearing account for
decades until you political pukes decided to raid the account and give
OUR money to a bunch of zero ambition losers in return for votes, thus
bankrupting the system and turning Social Security into a Ponzi scheme
that would have made Bernie Madoff proud.
 
4. Recently, just like Lucy & Charlie Brown, you and your ilk pulled the
proverbial football away from millions of American seniors nearing
retirement and moved the goalposts for full retirement from age 65 to
age 67.  NOW, you and your shill commission is proposing to move the
goalposts YET AGAIN.
 
5  I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying into Medicare
from Day One, and now you morons propose to change the rules of the
game. Why? Because you idiots mismanaged other parts of the economy 
to such an  extent that you need to steal money from Medicare to pay 
the bills.
  
6.  I, and millions of other Americans, have been paying income taxes our
entire lives, and now you propose to increase our taxes yet again. Why?
Because you incompetent bastards spent our money so profligately that
you just kept on spending even after you ran out of money. Now, you come
to the American taxpayers and say you need more to pay off YOUR debt.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To add insult to injury, you label us “greedy” for calling “bullshit” on
your incompetence. Well, Captain Bullshit, I have a few questions for
YOU.
 
1. How much money have you earned from the American taxpayers during
your pathetic 50-year political career?
 
2. At what age did you retire from your pathetic political career, and
how much are you receiving in annual retirement benefits from the
American taxpayers?
 
3. How much do you pay for YOUR government provided health insurance?
 
4.  What cuts in YOUR retirement and healthcare benefits are you
proposing in your disgusting deficit reduction proposal, or, as usual,
have  you exempted yourself and your political cronies?
 
It is you, Captain Bullshit, and your political co-conspirators called

Congress who are the “greedy” ones.  It is you and your fellow nutcases

who have bankrupted America and stolen the American dream from

millions of loyal, patriotic taxpayers.  And for what?  Votes.  That’s right,

sir.  You and yours have bankrupted America   for the sole purpose of

advancing your pathetic political careers.  You know it, we know it, and

you know that we know it.
 
And you can take that to the bank, you miserable son of a bitch.

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STRESS

By , May 1, 2011 6:47 pm
 

 

Stress 

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
Raised a glass of water and asked
‘How heavy is this glass of water?’

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.’

He continued,

‘And that’s the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,

As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,

We won’t be able to carry on. ‘

‘As with the glass of water,

You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.

When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.’

‘So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.!

Don’t carry it home.

You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you’re carrying now,

Let them down for a moment if you can.’

So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.

Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you’re the pigeon,
And some days you’re the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be
Recalled by their maker.

* If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can’t dance well.
Just get up and dance.

* Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late..

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything’s coming your way,
You’re in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons… Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.
Some have weird names, and all are different colours, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. 
Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today…
I did.

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